Tag Archive for: public speaking

Overcoming Difficulties with Speaking -“Can’t breathe, talk or think!”

 

The study of human communication (anthroposemiotics) is a fascinating and complex one; it is very diverse, as there are multiple layers pertaining to what communication is and how we use its different features as human beings.  Simply put, however, most face-to-face communication requires visually reading, listening and following along with at least one other person, offering gestures and verbal responses in reply, whilst maintaining eye contact throughout the interaction.  Much of these human functions we do quite naturally, especially if we have grown up with well communicating role models; and yet it is still so common and understandable that at times, especially in high stake situations, we have to be particularly intentional about presenting in a professional, calm and self-controlled manner.

So many amazing things are happening physiologically and neurologically as we communicate with other people;  these human attributes can either harmonise beautifully together or feel horribly disparate.  This is where we have to come at speech work in a holistic manner …

For example, in another area of life, people may experience financial difficulties which could be simply due to the loss of a job or a stream of income, but sometimes it can be more a symptom of a deeper issue ie. overspending due to lack of self esteem or an inability to budget and so clearly some fiscal discipline and management is needed. Similarly, this can be the case with regards to being able to confidently speak in front of others. The moment the spotlight is on us, if we are untrained and unskilled in this area, a myriad of unwelcome thoughts, feelings and responses can manifest which make it extremely difficult to function and do a great job.

Happily, I believe that there are some very practical ways through these difficulties …

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Skillful and hilarious communication!

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Take one, not very tall, man; some lights; a huge platform and 20,000 people… all laughing for one and a half hours!

It really was a fun experience to be in an arena with so many people all laughing together. Laughter is infectious, so good for us and certainly does good like a medicine.

Such was our very enjoyable evening when the hilarious Michael McIntyre was entertaining an enormous crowd with no props, no special effects and no visual aids whatsoever.

It was a great feat of memorisation, engagement with the audience and unfailing energy to entertain so many people with simply a voice and a body!  Michael McIntyre’s ability to make the mundane and familiar so amusing; to laugh at culture and language and to be so observant of the people to whose towns and cities he visits, is a gift.  He is undoubtedly a very humorous and accomplished communicator.

Some key skills that Michael exhibited were having great energy and enthusiasm to fill his stage; content that connected with his audience and clearly hours and hours of practice that enabled him to be flawless in his delivery. He was totally professional and flexible when a couple of ladies interrupted one of his stories, and handled the situation with grace and absolutely no sign of panic that he was off script!

A few keys for all public speakers there!

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Speaking Coaches: worth their weight in gold!

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“I really enjoyed the sessions and took a lot from them. Apparently I did a great job at the conference … Thank you so much!”  Music Industry Exec

“It was such a great experience and my presentation went really well. It was a huge conference … All of your training and support stood me in good stead, and I adjusted my sessions to fit my audience… I followed all your recommendations to prepare myself for the presentation – and then thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Thank you for your steady guidance in the lead up. I couldn’t have done it without you.”  Educator

“I’m so relieved it (the presentation) is over but it went well! I’ve had heaps of compliments …. Thank you so much.”  HR professional

 

WOW – Let the comments speak for themselves!

Just because most of us are able to open our mouths and say something, doesn’t mean that what we are saying and how we are saying it, is effectively communicating and connecting with whomever our audience happens to be.

As with everything in life that we want to do well at, practise and skill are necessary. Being a great speaker, whether in a small group setting, a large audience or on media takes time, effort and focus.  A talk or presentation begins as a little seed that has to be nurtured, thoughtfully developed and worked on if we are going to hit the mark with our listeners.

In our fast-paced world we so want to be able to microwave everything and produce it in 2 secs flat.  In reality, there are very few people who are really able to spontaneously speak brilliantly; the few that can have, undoubtedly, had seasons of practise and growing in their expertise – although they may not tell you that!

When I hear, occasionally, people say that any sort of public speaking courses, presentation skills training or vocal coaching are unnecessary, I just smile.  I bring to mind and celebrate the many individuals whom I have had the privilege of working with, in so many different professions and walks of life, who have successfully achieved and enjoyed the fruit of having worked on and improved their communication skills.

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Overcoming the fear of public speaking (2)

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“Hi Sarah, I  just wanted to let you know that my presentation went really well. I didn’t get that anxious feeling, which was great!”   Marketing Executive

 

 I love receiving feedback from my clients and hearing how well they have done, and are doing, in achieving their personal communication goals. One of these goals can be to actually begin to enjoy standing up (or sitting down) and sharing our thoughts, knowledge and ideas with others, in person or online.

What is it about speaking publicly that can make even the most robust of us tremble at the knees; and why does this very necessary part of our working lives continue to be cited as one of the greatest fears people have to face, second only to the fear of death?

Is it the knowledge of all eyes being solely on us? Is it the acute awareness of the responsibility to ‘deliver’? Is it a mistrust in ourselves not to do something that would make us look foolish?

There are certainly proven strategies and techniques for handling nerves that do not include drinking loads of alcohol prior to speaking, or taking beta blockers!

 

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

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Being a ‘Confident Communicator’

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How would you like to be described in your work context?

Some positive adjectives would be ‘Professional’, ‘Knowledgeable’, ‘Trustworthy’, ‘Reliable’, ‘Diligent’ etc.  In my experience, the majority of working people also want to be considered ‘Confident’ because we recognise the benefit of coming across to others as being self-assured and fearless.  However, it is always interesting and very necessary to clarify the exact meaning of words that we use so regularly and flippantly:

‘Confident’

marked by assurance, as of success

having strong belief or full assurance

very bold

trust or faith in a person or thing

the state or quality of being certain.

Trust, assurance, aplomb, self–confidence … these words all denote a feeling of emotional security resulting from faith in one’s ability to achieve a certain goal.

 

So, if we desire to be confident in the areas of public speaking and interpersonal communication, we must also remember that a ‘Communicator’ is someone who is skilled at conveying information or ideas to others.

‘Communication’ is the art and technique of using words effectively to exchange thoughts and to express oneself in such a way as to be readily and clearly understood.

Let’s put time, focus and intentionality behind achieving the above and we will be able to confidently say “I am a Confident Communicator!”

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Using your voice

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As we consider the miraculous gift that being able to speak is, we realise that, as with any other gifting, we can ignore it; take it for granted or abuse it.

Most of us probably fall into the second category with regards to using our voices until such time as we strain them through misuse and unwittingly find ourselves in the third category.  However, what about those of us who ignore the gift, and maybe due to negative experiences or self-inflicted limitations, find ourselves for the most part Silent.

Our mental health is improved as we yield to the deeply human need to speak and to be listened to. Remember Wilson, the volleyball that Tom Hanks’ character Chuck, dressed up in the film “Cast Away”. Wilson proved critical to Chuck’s mental health as his deep need to speak to someone – or anything(!) was evidenced.  Some people speak to their dog or cat or plants in the event of having no-one else to speak to.

For those of us who have become “silent”,  it is time to pick up the talking spoon again and start connecting with others verbally.

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Fear of Public Speaking

“Training with Sarah has demystified the art of public speaking. I always thought it was something some people were just naturally good at – and I wasn’t one of them!  With Sarah’s help I realised there are some very real skills I could learn to turn me into one of those ‘naturally good speakers’.  Thank you Sarah, I feel so much more confident and now I do well with my presentations and speeches.”  HR Professional

 

It is so easy to look at the strengths of others and feel intimidated or ‘lesser than’ in a particular aspect of our lives.  However, as with any area of training and personal development, a little bit of knowledge goes a long way.

A helpful question is “How do you eat an elephant?” and the old adage responds, “One bite at a time!”

If we look at an accomplished public speaker when even the very thought of getting up and speaking in front of people makes us feel sick, it can make the whole process seem even more overwhelming.  So let’s instead break it down into bite-size pieces and identify what that person was doing well and why they appear so relaxed and confident?  Being willing to learn new things sets us on a course to conquer the fear and limitations around our own lives.

Some adrenalin and nerves are a positive as we stand up to speak, and whether entirely “fear-less” public speaking is a possibility for every person isn’t really the issue … it is more about having some very tangible strategies and competencies to practice and become familiar with so we are growing in skill – we tend to enjoy the things that we feel we do well at!  I have testimony after testimony from clients who are actually now enjoying the whole experience of presenting and speaking in front of colleagues, bosses and stakeholders. There is nothing more rewarding for me than to hear that what was so terrifying for clients is now something they are excelling in.

 

“I never thought I could do so well” … “I did soooo well!” … “I felt so confident and in control!”

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Public Speaking Training

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As we find ourselves well into another new year, it is a great time to consider “what am I finding difficult in the world of personal communication?”

Perhaps you are needing …

  • to develop skills to prepare and deliver an outstanding speech or presentation;
  • to work on projecting confidence and assertiveness in work meetings and different work-related situations;
  • help with your staff who are struggling to present themselves well;
  • to prepare for important interviews that will open new doors for you;
  • to work on your voice – sounding more engaging, warm and interesting ;
  • to become more confident that your voice can be heard and understood, that you are getting your message across …

the list goes on of scenarios where clients have overcome fear and limitations and found greater freedom in their communication abilities.

What a privilege it is to help people to achieve their goals and more fully enjoy life!

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“If only I didn’t have to speak!”

‘Confident Communicating’ regularly works with people who recognise that a lack of confidence in the areas of public speaking and interpersonal communication have held them back from pursuing their dreams and boldly applying for their desired jobs, or going after a promotion; these fears have stunted growth and quite literally kept some clients in a box from which they want to break out.  The good news is that it is never too late to begin to work at being a more effective communicator – we start where we are at.

In his book ‘ Power and Influence’, Robert Dilenschneider writes,  “You start to communicate effectively, this leads to recognition and recognition in turn leads to influence.”   I would like to add a fourth positive outcome to that quote … the word ‘OPPORTUNITIES’ … as we develop stronger communication skills, this leads to more open doors and further opportunities;  I have seen this, time and time again.

Our need to continue to grow and develop in our communication skills is a given, as life is full of people and people need communicating to at different times and in different ways!  Of course, ‘Communicating’ is not an exact science as we are speaking about human beings with all our idiosyncrasies, differing perspectives and views, presuppositions, expectations and programming, however, it is something that we will be doing until the moment we leave this mortal coil so let’s continue to work at it to be the best we can be in any season of our lives.

NOW is the time to make a CHANGE, take a STEP and G–R-O-W. There is help at hand and there is nothing more exciting than overcoming those things that have held us back for too long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Keep growing – the importance of personal development!

Happy New Year from Confident Communicating!

I love the start of a new year. It speaks of freshness, newness; new hopes, new dreams, new opportunities … a natural break to celebrate the good things of the previous year and let go of the things that didn’t go so well. A time to get up and keep doing what is working and a time to adjust what needs changing. A time to stir fresh vision.

One thing that is a definite for all of us and that is that we must keep developing and learning. If we think we know it all then we will, at best, stagnate and at worst shrink back. What might our Personal Development goals be for this year ? …

I recently read a letter from the admissions department for Oxford and Cambridge University in which were addressed the concerns of a headteacher asking as to why her academically capable student had not been accepted into either university. The reply was that although the student had a great Personal Statement and had clearly spent his/her time pursuing many worthwhile things there was a big gap in their education … this was firstly an inability to engage in verbal conversation with tutors with confidence and intelligence and secondly, a lack of ability to read English accurately and fluently.

Continuing to develop excellent communication skills and an ability to connect and engage with others must be high on our list of goals for 2023!

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