Overcoming Difficulties with Speaking -“Can’t breathe, talk or think!”

 

The study of human communication (anthroposemiotics) is a fascinating and complex one; it is very diverse, as there are multiple layers pertaining to what communication is and how we use its different features as human beings.  Simply put, however, most face-to-face communication requires visually reading, listening and following along with at least one other person, offering gestures and verbal responses in reply, whilst maintaining eye contact throughout the interaction.  Much of these human functions we do quite naturally, especially if we have grown up with well communicating role models; and yet it is still so common and understandable that at times, especially in high stake situations, we have to be particularly intentional about presenting in a professional, calm and self-controlled manner.

So many amazing things are happening physiologically and neurologically as we communicate with other people;  these human attributes can either harmonise beautifully together or feel horribly disparate.  This is where we have to come at speech work in a holistic manner …

For example, in another area of life, people may experience financial difficulties which could be simply due to the loss of a job or a stream of income, but sometimes it can be more a symptom of a deeper issue ie. overspending due to lack of self esteem or an inability to budget and so clearly some fiscal discipline and management is needed. Similarly, this can be the case with regards to being able to confidently speak in front of others. The moment the spotlight is on us, if we are untrained and unskilled in this area, a myriad of unwelcome thoughts, feelings and responses can manifest which make it extremely difficult to function and do a great job.

Happily, I believe that there are some very practical ways through these difficulties …

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Overcoming the fear of public speaking (2)

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“Hi Sarah, I  just wanted to let you know that my presentation went really well. I didn’t get that anxious feeling, which was great!”   Marketing Executive

 

 I love receiving feedback from my clients and hearing how well they have done, and are doing, in achieving their personal communication goals. One of these goals can be to actually begin to enjoy standing up (or sitting down) and sharing our thoughts, knowledge and ideas with others, in person or online.

What is it about speaking publicly that can make even the most robust of us tremble at the knees; and why does this very necessary part of our working lives continue to be cited as one of the greatest fears people have to face, second only to the fear of death?

Is it the knowledge of all eyes being solely on us? Is it the acute awareness of the responsibility to ‘deliver’? Is it a mistrust in ourselves not to do something that would make us look foolish?

There are certainly proven strategies and techniques for handling nerves that do not include drinking loads of alcohol prior to speaking, or taking beta blockers!

 

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

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Using your voice

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As we consider the miraculous gift that being able to speak is, we realise that, as with any other gifting, we can ignore it; take it for granted or abuse it.

Most of us probably fall into the second category with regards to using our voices until such time as we strain them through misuse and unwittingly find ourselves in the third category.  However, what about those of us who ignore the gift, and maybe due to negative experiences or self-inflicted limitations, find ourselves for the most part Silent.

Our mental health is improved as we yield to the deeply human need to speak and to be listened to. Remember Wilson, the volleyball that Tom Hanks’ character Chuck, dressed up in the film “Cast Away”. Wilson proved critical to Chuck’s mental health as his deep need to speak to someone – or anything(!) was evidenced.  Some people speak to their dog or cat or plants in the event of having no-one else to speak to.

For those of us who have become “silent”,  it is time to pick up the talking spoon again and start connecting with others verbally.

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Fear of Public Speaking

“Training with Sarah has demystified the art of public speaking. I always thought it was something some people were just naturally good at – and I wasn’t one of them!  With Sarah’s help I realised there are some very real skills I could learn to turn me into one of those ‘naturally good speakers’.  Thank you Sarah, I feel so much more confident and now I do well with my presentations and speeches.”  HR Professional

 

It is so easy to look at the strengths of others and feel intimidated or ‘lesser than’ in a particular aspect of our lives.  However, as with any area of training and personal development, a little bit of knowledge goes a long way.

A helpful question is “How do you eat an elephant?” and the old adage responds, “One bite at a time!”

If we look at an accomplished public speaker when even the very thought of getting up and speaking in front of people makes us feel sick, it can make the whole process seem even more overwhelming.  So let’s instead break it down into bite-size pieces and identify what that person was doing well and why they appear so relaxed and confident?  Being willing to learn new things sets us on a course to conquer the fear and limitations around our own lives.

Some adrenalin and nerves are a positive as we stand up to speak, and whether entirely “fear-less” public speaking is a possibility for every person isn’t really the issue … it is more about having some very tangible strategies and competencies to practice and become familiar with so we are growing in skill – we tend to enjoy the things that we feel we do well at!  I have testimony after testimony from clients who are actually now enjoying the whole experience of presenting and speaking in front of colleagues, bosses and stakeholders. There is nothing more rewarding for me than to hear that what was so terrifying for clients is now something they are excelling in.

 

“I never thought I could do so well” … “I did soooo well!” … “I felt so confident and in control!”

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The Gift of Speech

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There are a number of differences that characterise human beings from the rest of the animal kingdom… one of those differences is our ability to speak – to articulate ideas, thoughts and feelings through the medium of words.  Our ability to vocalise and speak words is nothing short of miraculous when we consider all that is involved – the process of speech production is a highly precise and practised motor skill.

To simplify the whole process, in an everyday conversation, we firstly have to hear clearly; then we process what we have heard; we then consider our response and vocalise it. Mental processing of information is a science all of its own.

Being able to speak is something that most of us absolutely take for granted until we are faced with the onslaught of a stroke, motor neurone disease or an accident that takes away, even in part, our ability to exercise what is a vitally important function in life.

Give thanks everyday for your ability to open your mouth and speak – and work to make it the best possible experience for everyone listening!

 

 

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“If only I didn’t have to speak!”

‘Confident Communicating’ regularly works with people who recognise that a lack of confidence in the areas of public speaking and interpersonal communication have held them back from pursuing their dreams and boldly applying for their desired jobs, or going after a promotion; these fears have stunted growth and quite literally kept some clients in a box from which they want to break out.  The good news is that it is never too late to begin to work at being a more effective communicator – we start where we are at.

In his book ‘ Power and Influence’, Robert Dilenschneider writes,  “You start to communicate effectively, this leads to recognition and recognition in turn leads to influence.”   I would like to add a fourth positive outcome to that quote … the word ‘OPPORTUNITIES’ … as we develop stronger communication skills, this leads to more open doors and further opportunities;  I have seen this, time and time again.

Our need to continue to grow and develop in our communication skills is a given, as life is full of people and people need communicating to at different times and in different ways!  Of course, ‘Communicating’ is not an exact science as we are speaking about human beings with all our idiosyncrasies, differing perspectives and views, presuppositions, expectations and programming, however, it is something that we will be doing until the moment we leave this mortal coil so let’s continue to work at it to be the best we can be in any season of our lives.

NOW is the time to make a CHANGE, take a STEP and G–R-O-W. There is help at hand and there is nothing more exciting than overcoming those things that have held us back for too long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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