Tag Archive for: communication

The Power of a Smile

 

As I walked down an extremely busy street in London sometime ago with a friend, a young man stopped me and said in a rather puzzled manner, “Do I know you?” I replied that I did not think so.

Later, as I considered this brief exchange of words, bearing in mind that I certainly had never seen him before; that I am not world-famous nor was he trying a smooth chat-up line, I concluded that the only reason he could possibly have had for stopping me was the fact that I had smiled at him, as I tend to do to many people. This little scenario got me thinking how important it is to maintain an openness and connection with other people even if we do not know them. Mother Teresa said “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.”

Children, apparently, smile about 400 times a day; adults, however, smile 40-50 times a day when happy and only 20 times a day when not! Interestingly though it actually takes far less effort, from a physiological point of view, to smile than it does to frown and I often find myself encouraging clients to remember the power of a smile in connecting with others and simply to feel better.

The benefits of smiling are well documented and proven …

• Smiling helps you to feel happy and relaxed. If you are in a bad mood, simply by choosing to smile you can lift your spirits. Consequently, smiling can change your mood, your feelings, even your resulting actions by helping to generate more positive emotions.

The scientist Andrew Newberg has said that in experiments, the smile was “the symbol that was rated with the highest positive emotional content.”

• Smiling stimulates your brain’s reward mechanisms in a way that nothing can match.

• Smiling boosts your immune system.

• Smiling reduces stress as it leads to a decrease in stress induced hormones, this positively affects physical and mental health.

• Smiling is contagious. A recent study in Sweden showed that it was extremely difficult for others to frown when they looked at others who were smiling!

There is a reason that the most read book in the world says “laughter does good like a medicine”.

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Overcoming Difficulties with Speaking -“Can’t breathe, talk or think!”

 

The study of human communication (anthroposemiotics) is a fascinating and complex one; it is very diverse, as there are multiple layers pertaining to what communication is and how we use its different features as human beings.  Simply put, however, most face-to-face communication requires visually reading, listening and following along with at least one other person, offering gestures and verbal responses in reply, whilst maintaining eye contact throughout the interaction.  Much of these human functions we do quite naturally, especially if we have grown up with well communicating role models; and yet it is still so common and understandable that at times, especially in high stake situations, we have to be particularly intentional about presenting in a professional, calm and self-controlled manner.

So many amazing things are happening physiologically and neurologically as we communicate with other people;  these human attributes can either harmonise beautifully together or feel horribly disparate.  This is where we have to come at speech work in a holistic manner …

For example, in another area of life, people may experience financial difficulties which could be simply due to the loss of a job or a stream of income, but sometimes it can be more a symptom of a deeper issue ie. overspending due to lack of self esteem or an inability to budget and so clearly some fiscal discipline and management is needed. Similarly, this can be the case with regards to being able to confidently speak in front of others. The moment the spotlight is on us, if we are untrained and unskilled in this area, a myriad of unwelcome thoughts, feelings and responses can manifest which make it extremely difficult to function and do a great job.

Happily, I believe that there are some very practical ways through these difficulties …

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Skillful and hilarious communication!

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Take one, not very tall, man; some lights; a huge platform and 20,000 people… all laughing for one and a half hours!

It really was a fun experience to be in an arena with so many people all laughing together. Laughter is infectious, so good for us and certainly does good like a medicine.

Such was our very enjoyable evening when the hilarious Michael McIntyre was entertaining an enormous crowd with no props, no special effects and no visual aids whatsoever.

It was a great feat of memorisation, engagement with the audience and unfailing energy to entertain so many people with simply a voice and a body!  Michael McIntyre’s ability to make the mundane and familiar so amusing; to laugh at culture and language and to be so observant of the people to whose towns and cities he visits, is a gift.  He is undoubtedly a very humorous and accomplished communicator.

Some key skills that Michael exhibited were having great energy and enthusiasm to fill his stage; content that connected with his audience and clearly hours and hours of practice that enabled him to be flawless in his delivery. He was totally professional and flexible when a couple of ladies interrupted one of his stories, and handled the situation with grace and absolutely no sign of panic that he was off script!

A few keys for all public speakers there!

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Speaking Coaches: worth their weight in gold!

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“I really enjoyed the sessions and took a lot from them. Apparently I did a great job at the conference … Thank you so much!”  Music Industry Exec

“It was such a great experience and my presentation went really well. It was a huge conference … All of your training and support stood me in good stead, and I adjusted my sessions to fit my audience… I followed all your recommendations to prepare myself for the presentation – and then thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Thank you for your steady guidance in the lead up. I couldn’t have done it without you.”  Educator

“I’m so relieved it (the presentation) is over but it went well! I’ve had heaps of compliments …. Thank you so much.”  HR professional

 

WOW – Let the comments speak for themselves!

Just because most of us are able to open our mouths and say something, doesn’t mean that what we are saying and how we are saying it, is effectively communicating and connecting with whomever our audience happens to be.

As with everything in life that we want to do well at, practise and skill are necessary. Being a great speaker, whether in a small group setting, a large audience or on media takes time, effort and focus.  A talk or presentation begins as a little seed that has to be nurtured, thoughtfully developed and worked on if we are going to hit the mark with our listeners.

In our fast-paced world we so want to be able to microwave everything and produce it in 2 secs flat.  In reality, there are very few people who are really able to spontaneously speak brilliantly; the few that can have, undoubtedly, had seasons of practise and growing in their expertise – although they may not tell you that!

When I hear, occasionally, people say that any sort of public speaking courses, presentation skills training or vocal coaching are unnecessary, I just smile.  I bring to mind and celebrate the many individuals whom I have had the privilege of working with, in so many different professions and walks of life, who have successfully achieved and enjoyed the fruit of having worked on and improved their communication skills.

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Overcoming the fear of public speaking (2)

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“Hi Sarah, I  just wanted to let you know that my presentation went really well. I didn’t get that anxious feeling, which was great!”   Marketing Executive

 

 I love receiving feedback from my clients and hearing how well they have done, and are doing, in achieving their personal communication goals. One of these goals can be to actually begin to enjoy standing up (or sitting down) and sharing our thoughts, knowledge and ideas with others, in person or online.

What is it about speaking publicly that can make even the most robust of us tremble at the knees; and why does this very necessary part of our working lives continue to be cited as one of the greatest fears people have to face, second only to the fear of death?

Is it the knowledge of all eyes being solely on us? Is it the acute awareness of the responsibility to ‘deliver’? Is it a mistrust in ourselves not to do something that would make us look foolish?

There are certainly proven strategies and techniques for handling nerves that do not include drinking loads of alcohol prior to speaking, or taking beta blockers!

 

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

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Being a ‘Confident Communicator’

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How would you like to be described in your work context?

Some positive adjectives would be ‘Professional’, ‘Knowledgeable’, ‘Trustworthy’, ‘Reliable’, ‘Diligent’ etc.  In my experience, the majority of working people also want to be considered ‘Confident’ because we recognise the benefit of coming across to others as being self-assured and fearless.  However, it is always interesting and very necessary to clarify the exact meaning of words that we use so regularly and flippantly:

‘Confident’

marked by assurance, as of success

having strong belief or full assurance

very bold

trust or faith in a person or thing

the state or quality of being certain.

Trust, assurance, aplomb, self–confidence … these words all denote a feeling of emotional security resulting from faith in one’s ability to achieve a certain goal.

 

So, if we desire to be confident in the areas of public speaking and interpersonal communication, we must also remember that a ‘Communicator’ is someone who is skilled at conveying information or ideas to others.

‘Communication’ is the art and technique of using words effectively to exchange thoughts and to express oneself in such a way as to be readily and clearly understood.

Let’s put time, focus and intentionality behind achieving the above and we will be able to confidently say “I am a Confident Communicator!”

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Voice Is Influence

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The Voice!  We have now seen twelve series in the UK of this well-loved singing competition, and have been promised a thirteenth! We love to see the buttons pressed, the chairs swing round and the thrilled look on a contestant’s face as they are recognised as potentially having a voice with star quality.

However, Voice is a lot more than just sounding melodious or hitting high notes, as admirable and as practiced as all that is.  Voice, we know, is about influence and it is also about passion.  In some contexts, we can positively affect and influence others by our actions alone but, many times, it is our words  and how we use them – persuasively, kindly, analytically, reasonably, encouragingly or harshly – that brings influence to bear.  We think of the evocative speeches of Martin Luther King Jnr, Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, Emmeline Pankhurst, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gandhi, Hitler, Lenin etc … men and women with powerful Voices and great ability to influence others, some for much good and some for great evil.

We live in a world where it is becoming increasingly important to consider how we are using our voices to bring a positive influence in our worlds of families, friends, and colleagues.

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Using your voice

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As we consider the miraculous gift that being able to speak is, we realise that, as with any other gifting, we can ignore it; take it for granted or abuse it.

Most of us probably fall into the second category with regards to using our voices until such time as we strain them through misuse and unwittingly find ourselves in the third category.  However, what about those of us who ignore the gift, and maybe due to negative experiences or self-inflicted limitations, find ourselves for the most part Silent.

Our mental health is improved as we yield to the deeply human need to speak and to be listened to. Remember Wilson, the volleyball that Tom Hanks’ character Chuck, dressed up in the film “Cast Away”. Wilson proved critical to Chuck’s mental health as his deep need to speak to someone – or anything(!) was evidenced.  Some people speak to their dog or cat or plants in the event of having no-one else to speak to.

For those of us who have become “silent”,  it is time to pick up the talking spoon again and start connecting with others verbally.

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Voice training for successful communication

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Imagine a typical scenario;  if it is not yet typical for you it very likely will be one day! … “So-and-so is sick today and so you will have to go and speak to our clients and fill them in on where we are up to with the project.”  Not the best start to many people’s day, but the job has to be done.

Unless you have had some experience and practise at impromptu speaking, debating or improvisation, then your body likely begins to respond to the request with a number of physical manifestations such as sweaty palms, heart seemingly beating out of your chest, or brain freeze.

Happily, there are a number of well-proven techniques that can help us very practically to handle the above, or similar, situations effectively.  However, once we have quickly thought about what we want to say and jotted down some barely legible notes on our phone or bit of paper, we then actually have to vocalise those thoughts and ideas. It is at this point that we have to consider three key things …

Clarity … will people be able to clearly hear and understand what I am needing to communicate?

Fluency … can I fluently and articulately express the information?

Variety … can I speak in a manner that is not going to send my audience to sleep in a matter of a few moments or ‘switch off’ ?

 

What a gift it is for children and young people to have had practice and experience at speaking more formally with and in front of others; and how necessary to invest in this important life skill if we have not had those benefits at an earlier age.

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Public Speaking Training

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As we find ourselves well into another new year, it is a great time to consider “what am I finding difficult in the world of personal communication?”

Perhaps you are needing …

  • to develop skills to prepare and deliver an outstanding speech or presentation;
  • to work on projecting confidence and assertiveness in work meetings and different work-related situations;
  • help with your staff who are struggling to present themselves well;
  • to prepare for important interviews that will open new doors for you;
  • to work on your voice – sounding more engaging, warm and interesting ;
  • to become more confident that your voice can be heard and understood, that you are getting your message across …

the list goes on of scenarios where clients have overcome fear and limitations and found greater freedom in their communication abilities.

What a privilege it is to help people to achieve their goals and more fully enjoy life!

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